Learning to be Queer, a Play in Three Acts (thus far)

Vigil for Pulse Victims Midtown Atlanta 2016


I̵’̵m̵ ̵a̵ ̵q̵u̵e̵e̵r̵,̵ ̵p̵a̵n̵s̵e̵x̵u̵a̵l̵,̵ ̵c̵i̵s̵-̵g̵e̵n̵d̵e̵r̵e̵d̵ ̵w̵h̵i̵t̵e̵ ̵w̵o̵m̵a̵n̵ ̵m̵a̵r̵r̵i̵e̵d̵ ̵t̵o̵ ̵a̵ ̵c̵i̵s̵-̵g̵e̵n̵d̵e̵r̵e̵d̵ ̵w̵h̵i̵t̵e̵ ̵m̵a̵l̵e̵…(This part, surprisingly, did not last. Who could have known?)


This was my “coming out” statement on Facebook following the Pulse Nightclub shootings. June 2016.

I was on my way home from attending the NNAF abortion funds conference as a board member of the Magnolia Fund. A radical, feminist, women of color centered space where one could #shoutyourabortion (well, should MY abortion) and learn how others were doing just that through the We Testify initiative. I could love on a group of pro-abortion, pro-choice, people fighting for real liberation and say #menaretrash and feel loved and accepted in all my loud, queer, awkward ways.

And then I got on the plane to go home and I saw. The literal last thing before,

and we sobbed silently on that plane all the way back to Atlanta from Houston.

I wrote about solidarity for the fund, but I also needed to be in solidarity with myself. With who I am.*

As I prepare to go through relationship changes and personal changes and school and career changes, I acknowledge that I have a right to take up space in the queer community and in the world as a whole as a queer person.


I have no idea what happens now. I’m sober. Still not done with the PhD I started just 6 weeks after Pulse. Live in a different state. We just elected someone who is not Donald Trump. 2019 was awful. 2020 has been worse.

And all I want is for us to win. I want us all to be just a little bit queer because it is absolutely revolutionary to be queer and revolutionary to care. I hope Act Four is just a little bit closer to liberation for everyone.

*(The Magnolia Fund is no longer, but check out ARC Southeast and give them your money.)

Queerbilly, sociologist, mom, partner, social justice hillbilly. Let’s have a hootenanny!

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